i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
