Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
