If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
