And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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