My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize