Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize