well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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