Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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