somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
