I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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