I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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