fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize