Where did you get a picture of my penis
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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