bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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