Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
