I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
