if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The beer is more important than you right now.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
