Jerry, you need to find god
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize