I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
