So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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