I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
