thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
