It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize