if you like me you must not know who I am
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize