You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
