I'm jealous of your bromance
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
