He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize