In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
