I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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