if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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