well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
