No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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