Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
