yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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