If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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