omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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