i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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