And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
