in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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