worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
