I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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