wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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