So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
