if i can run in heels then i can drive
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Randomize
