like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Less talking, more tequila
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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