we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
