he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
