so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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