My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
