I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
