My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
All the doctor said was why
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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