Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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