There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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