Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Two words: blizzard sex
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
