tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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