Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
