happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
