A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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