Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
