Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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