I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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