Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
