dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
