As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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