just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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