i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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