Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
True strength comes from lack of pants
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
