I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
