Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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