i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
