Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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