well I can't set my house on fire every night
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
