Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
