Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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