Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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