I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize