Ambien. No doubt about it.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
