3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
