I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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