wanna go halves on a baby?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize