Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
