It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
