Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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