Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
