She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
