I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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