my vag is so smooth its legendary
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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