So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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