Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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