There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
