tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
