When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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